Digital Masks and Vanity

I find it very interesting how people are always amazed when a girl posts a profile picture on facebook where she's totally overexposed. You've probably seen the ones I mean. Close-up of the face and shoulders, no shirt, head tilted to one side, a little bit of lipstick, and glowing white skin.

Sure it makes these girls look hotter than usual. It's because the color levels are so off that all the detail is gone, and all that's left is shiny-white skin.

This is the reason women in magazines look so good. It's the reason models and actresses look better on the screen than in real life. And it's the same reason nobody wants to see pornography in high definition. If you photoshop, airbrush, or expose out all those lines and bumps and crevices just about anybody can look amazingly hot. And with a bit of clever cropping, you can remove all those body parts you don't want anybody else to see.

But the truth is, as humans we're basicall all pretty ugly on the surface. The real beauty lies underneath. So what I don't get is why these people that do this to their photos see the need to misrepresent themselves?

I suppose it's because, male and female alike, we all secrectly want to look like supermodels. But few of us actually do.

Count Zero Interrupt

From my daily horoscope:

Love: You need to change everything. Start at zero. The problem can be solved, try it.

I'm a little confused by this. Aren't I already at zero?

Restless

Do you ever get that feeling where you're just sick and tired and bored of everything? And the only solution you can think of is to pack up everything you own in boxes, pick a destination, and move?

Some days, like today, I think maybe it's time to do that.

And other days I think I'm just being silly and should go get an ice cream.

Am I Making Excuses?

Maybe. Probably. But if that's the case, it's because I feel like you've backed me into a corner and I need an out.

I live my life my own way, on my own terms, and on my own time. I strive to live up to my own personal standards and values. I make my own decisions, and I have to take responsibility for those and live with the consequences.

I see it as one of my greatest strengths. But maybe it's a fatal character flaw. Only time will tell, and I will be the judge. If there's a change to be made, I'll be the one to make the decision. To make a change, I have to want a change first. And right now I don't.

All that I ask is that those around me understand and accept that. It's too bad my friends haven't figured that out yet. I'm getting tired of their questions, their guilt-trips, and their criticisms.

Time to take a deep breathe, press the "reset" button, and try it all again tomorrow.

Clearly I'm Missing Something

I went to a friend's bachelor party this weekend. We went for dinner, then hit up a cabaret lounge show, followed by a strip joint. And I came to a conclusion.

I don't get it. What's the attraction to strip clubs for guys? I mean, besides the obvious. Yes, there are naked women in peeler bars. But is that it? Is that the only thing these places have going for them?

There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead in such a place. But in the past 2 years I've found myself in a strip joint roughly once every 6 months for various special occasions. So I feel comfortable in saying that I really don't enjoy them.

Of course, when I tell other guys this their instant reaction is always "What the heck is wrong with you?" or, "what, are you gay?"

No, I'm not gay. But I find stripper clubs incredibly boring and uninteresting. Let me list a few reasons why:

1.) The "dancers" aren't especially attractive by my standards. Fake t*ts don't do anything for me. Show me a pair of natural ones and maybe you'll have my attention.

2.) The girls aren't dancing. They're walking in circles on a stage. Sometimes they twirl a little. The better ones will do tricks on poles, which admittedly is sometimes interesting. And there's usually some half-hearted air-humping and ass-flexing. But it's not dancing, and on the whole I don't find it very interesting to watch.

3.) The girls look vacant and emotionally dead, like they'd all rather be somewhere else. Attractive girls have a sparkle in their eye that I've found is missing from every stripper I've ever seen dance. It's like they're trying so damn hard to look sexy that they've actually forgotten what sexy really is. Given that their business is entertainment, their obvious lack of enthusiasm doesn't do much to engage their audience.

4.) The blatant sexualization of these women actually makes it less sexy. The fact that you can count on finding girls in skimpy clothing or nothing at all takes all the mystery and mystique out of the women. There's nothing left to the imagination, but the imagination is probably one of the most powerful tools a woman has in her arsenal of tease and seduction. But the dancers in strip clubs are just giving it away.

Yup. I'm not impressed by stippers. However, the cabaret show we went to was amazing and extrememly sexy, while maintaining a high degree of class and taste. The cabaret girls definitely know where it's at. If anybody is in Vancouver and is looking for something different to do, I highly recommend checking out the show at Maxine's Hideaway.

All of this just reinforces what I already knew about myself: that I'm definitely not your average guy. I'm not a guy's guy. And if cat-calling from pervert row at a set of silicon double-Ds is what makes me a guy's guy? Well, that's just not the kind of guy I want to be. I like to think I have more intelligence and substance than that.

So the next time somebody asks me why I don't like strippers, I think I'll have a response: "Because I'm smarter than you."

A Physics Lesson

1.) Law of Conservation of Mass:

The total mass in a closed system must remain constant. Mass may never be created or destroyed, but can change forms or be rearranged in space.

2.) Law of Skytrain Rush Hour Physics:

The total mass in a closed system does not remain constant, and may be both created or destroyed. Rush hour mass is unstable and constantly changes form. The ability of mass to displace or rearrange during rush hour is inversly proportional to the amount of mass in the system. The ratio of system mass added to mass subtracted is approximately 5:1.

This is Democracy?

I have a message for all the campaign representatives out there who so desperately want my vote. If you want my attention and wish to earn my support in future elections, you'd be well advised not to call my house every freakin' day!.

Today is the BC provincial voting date. I got home from work at 7:30 pm. There were two messages - TWO! - on my answering machine from people representing the office of my local NDP representative. They've been calling non-stop all week. But twice today? That's ridiculous.

I hadn't been home for more than 5 minutes when my front door buzzer rang. I answered. Guess who? IT WAS THE NDP! AT MY DOOR! THEY WANTED ME TO COME AND VOTE!

I informed them that I was aware it's election day and that, thank you, they've already left two messages on my answering machine today and I get the message. To which the woman on the other end of the intercom replied "Well we want to get the message out and make sure you go vote for Harry Bloy. Otherwise he might lose!"

Really? Really?? If I don't vote for the guy you want me to vote for, he might lose? Wow. That had never occurred to me before. Oh wait, yes it did. Because THAT'S HOW VOTING WORKS! It's an election. Somebody might lose. We call it "democracy".

I was happy to clarify that I was aware of the issue and that thanks to their aggressiveness I had no intention to vote for Mr. Bloy because I do not support him, and that yes, "he might lose".

Next election I think I'm going to seriously consider voting for the Marijuana party. Their platform is practically nonexistent and they'd surely send the province into financial ruin. But at least their members probably understand the basic principles behind the democratic process. Because democracy, being only slightly better than a popularity contest in practice, is simple enough to be understood by a 6 year old. We cast our votes and somebody comes out a winner. The rest of those candidates?

Well, the rest of the candidates might lose.

Okay, I admit it.

I like having different groups of friends. And, depending on the people, I sometimes don't care to intermingle them. I generally like to keep around 2 or 3 friend spheres. And sometimes I don't mind when they overlap. But frankly, I like to keep certain groups apart from certain other groups.

I don't really discriminate against any one group. It's not like I'm trying to avoid any one particular person or group of people. It's just that sometimes I need to hang out with one group of people to get a break from another type of people. It works both ways for all the groups of friends I have. But I like to be able to separate them as distinct spheres.

It's like ice cream. I like chocolate ice cream and I can eat a lot of it. But sometimes I get tired of chocolate and just want plain vanilla. And chocolate ripple doesn't count.

And sometimes facebook ruins that. Sometimes, thanks to facebook, those friend spheres start to overlap when I'd prefer they didn't.

It's a little ridiculous and totally selfish of me. But it bugs me a little.

And in some cases, it just plain makes no sense because one sphere has never met the other sphere and, from my perspective, has no business melding with the other.

Video Games Emulating Real Life

I was playing Fable 2 today and had a moment where the game became just a little bit too realistic. I ate two pies for an energy boost and gained weight as a result. I got a little bit fat, and my clothes look silly now. I need to find a way to work off the fat, and I'm hoping there's a potion or magic item that will do the trick without having to actually work it off.

Just like real life... :-( Which reminds me. I haven't been down to the weight room in over a week.

Yup.

I like Vancouver well enough. I've lived here for about 5 years now. Closer to 6, actually. I've met some good people and generally enjoyed my time here.

But then there are days when I want to just say "F#$k it! I'm moving back to Edmonton!"

I'm In Your Base...

...Reading Your Twitter Feed!

Hypothetically speaking:

Let's say you met a guy or a girl whom you were interested in. And I mean interested in a fairly general sense of the word, although "interested" is probably most appropriate for this scenario. And let's say this guy or girl had a modest online presence. A blog, a Facebook page, maybe a LiveJournal. And they were all easily linked. If you found one, you could find all the rest by following the digital breadcrumbs.

Suddenly, and perhaps unbeknownst to that person, you now have the ability to follow them and learn about them in a limited capacity. And so you do so for a time, as it helps you learn a little about the person in whom you are interested.

What would happen if you met that person days, weeks, or maybe a months down the road? What if you went to coffee with that person? Or joined them for lunch? And what if this meeting were only your second face-to-face encounter? What if everything you knew about this person came from a small library of information that they themselves have posted online?

Would you let on that you've been "following them", or try to play stupid? If the former, would this person be flattered or threatened? If the latter, how long could you keep up the facade before some tidbit slips out and they find out you've been reading their online diary or watching them pour their hearts out on YouTube?

Is there a proper etiquette for this type of thing? Certainly out there in "RL" [Real Life] this kind of thing probably doesn't fly. If you met a person once, got their phone number, address, place of work, etc. and "observed" them without their knowledge or consent it would be considered "stalking". And nobody likes a stalker.

But online the issue isn't as clear. Where do you draw that fine line between "stalking" and "observing"? If somebody is posting their life's details on a public forum then everybody can see it. In a way, those thoughts and details are leaving the realm of privacy and becoming something more akin to public knowledge.

So at what point does observing somebody's online contributions cross that threshold where it becomes creepy? If a stranger who observes remains a stranger, does that make it okay? Is it preferable to make it known that you are following someone's online presence rather than to lurk silently? Should the stranger ever make attempts to cross into the realm of acquaintance or friend?

Maybe somebody has the answers. I don't. But until I do, rest assured any online "stalking" I may be doing is purely innocent.

Who is the mysterious Wolf1337?

We have a Leak! Somebody call a plumber to come and "fix" it. Make sure he brings his silenced pipewrench.

(Somebody anonymously spilled some beans about a previous project at work, and seemed to have rather intimate knowledge of it. I won't discuss any other details here.)

The Problem with Jargon in Game Development

Secondary Title: Why the English Language is Retarded

I've been working on an Unreal Tournament 3 level for a few months now. I ran into a small snag the other day that I wasn't sure how to deal with, so I asked around at work to get a few ideas about what the best approach might be.





The problem was a simple one: I built a level that has a skylight in it. An interior room with windows in the ceiling that look up into the sky. When you're working with most level editors, your world exists in a void of negative space. So if my window is looking out into the sky, it's actually looking out into a spaceless abyss unless I put something behind it. And in UT3 if you don't put something behind it the image will appear to distort and appear corrupted, and that's bad.

I tend to approach projects with a very top-down approach. I'm less interested in the particulars of a game engine, and more interested in high level practical approaches to solving a problem like this. In the case of the skylight I could think of 4 possible solutions:

1. Create an old-school skybox above the skylight
   
2. Place a flat 2D plane above the window with a night sky texture applied to it.
   
3. Build a skydome over the entire level
   
4. Make the windows opaque and fake the sky within the window's material.
   

Any one of these options would be fine. They would all accomplish the same end, but one some would look better than others.

I asked two key people at work about this. One was an artist with a fair bit of technical knowledge and a good handle on UT3. The other was a senior level designer who's got experience with a number of different engines but maybe isn't as artistically inclined. I got two very different answers, and neither one of them were rather appropriate. Here's what I got?

Question: If I make a level with a skylight in it, what's the best approach to putting a sky behind it to avoid tearing?
Designer Answer: What engine are you using? I'd have to take a look at it.
Artist Answer: Oh, I don't know. I've never used a skylight.

And this is the problem with game development and technology and jargon. My question was a high-level one. How to approach the sky for a physical skylight, purely from a very practical theoretical perspective. The designer couldn't provide an answer without knowing what engine I'm in. He's already looking at it from a very technical side. The artist, on the other hand, offered a non-answer because he misunderstood and thought I was talking about a skylight actor, which exists in UT3 but is a light generating entity and is a different issue altogether.

If I had asked a construction worker this same question, I think I would have better luck. Or he'd just want to know why the heck I want to build a sky when there's already one up there.

A simple problem. A simple question. 2 very confused people.

I settled on the fouth option and decided it would be easiest just to fake the sky in the material. That way the windows can stay opaque while giving the illusion of being transparent and I can still render what looks like a sky.

I Hope This Works

I've had a lot on my mind lately. There have been a few things in my life that have been causing me a fair bit of stress. Nothing too serious, but just enough to keep me distracted and distant. My whole family worries about things, so I guess it's in my DNA. But it's time to make a change.

So I'm doing something that I should have thought of a long time ago. Something that will help remove at least one source of stress from my life. With that off my mind, it should allow me to focus on the other things that have been bothering me.

2009 is going to be a turning point for me, I think. Because I'm doing my best to make it one. I've been reflecting on myself a lot lately. Things I like about me, things I don't like about me. And I'm trying to make changes for the better. I'm taking things one step at a time these days and i'm making slow but steady progress. I built up these walls brick by brick, and I'm taking them down again the same way.

If this works out, there will be definitely, be celebrating in order. I look forward to it.

A Thought To Keep Me Up At Nights

Do you ever wonder how much your life would be worth? Ever pondered the dollar value somebody would associate with a lifetime worth of learning, growth, and achievement?

Not me. I have a life insurance policy statement that tells me. It's right there.

I guess I thought a life would be worth more.

I blame the failing global economy.

Prime Time Television

So I've been thinking about this plot for a sitcom episode all day. Just like Seinfeld or Friends. The sitcom would feature 2 couples and their quirky single friend. The episode would go something like this:

Cast:
Couple 1
Couple 2
Quirky Single Friend
Work Friend - Special Guest, one episode

Couple number one, feeling cooped up all the time, decides they should spend more time with couple number 2. They make plans with the second couple. But the second couple meet an extra couple (They're not important and thus only even mentioned in the dialogue, but never seen) and break plans with Couple 1. Soon enough Couple 1 never sees Couple 2, and are growing increasingly agitated.

Couple 1 then decides to spend more time with the Quirky Single Friend to fill their socializing void. Except Female 1 secretly thinks it would be better to hook up Quirky Single Friend with Work Friend. That way Quirkly Single Friend and Work Friend can start dating and Couple 1 will have a Couple 3 to do activities with.

And so Couple 1 invite Quirky Single Friend to dinner. But Female 1 also secretly invites Work Friend. Work Friend has been mentioned to Quirky Single Friend, but never formally introduced. Quirky Single Friend thinks that the dinner is just a casual friendly outing and invites Couple 2, whom he still sees on a regular basis and to the annoyance of Couple 1.

Of course all three people arrive at the fancy restaraunt and meet up with Couple 1 and Work Friend. Female 1 begins an aggressive sales pitch of Quirky Single Friend in an attempt to foster interest between Quirky Single Friend and Work Friend. But the situation quickly becomes awkward as Male 1 is forced to try and diffuse the situation, but can't do so easily without risking the wrath of Female 1. Conversations start being passed through the table from one cast member to another with Couple 2 acting as an information relay between the other 4.
"Would you please tell Male 1..."
"Well you can tell Female 2..."

The entire scene turns into a disaster scene full of witty jokes, silly but uncomfortable antics with the waiter, wrong orders, and food allergy mishaps. Work Friend becomes alienated towards both Couples, and Quirky Single Friend tries to hide from embarassment. Work Friend and Quirky Single friend barely say two words for the entire scene as they're constantly being interrupted mid-sentence by one of the 4 other characters at the table. The scene finally ends in an awkward silence where everybody eats desert and doesn't speak to each other. Which makes paying the bill very difficult since nobody will talk to each other.

The punchline to the episode is, of course, this: It's not an episode of a sitcom at all. I've taken quite a few liberties and exaggerated quite a bit, but this was actually my life last night.

I am Quirky Single Friend.

How Did I Miss That!?

Holy crap! This thing has polyphony!

I currently own an old Casiotone CT-460 keyboard (synthesizer) the used to belong to my grandmother. This thing has been around since the late 80's when Grandma first got it for christmas from her kids. I guess the hope is that she would learn to play. I think she did take lessons for a little while, but this little casiotone just isn't properly suited for any sort of serious playing. Like many keyboard of it's kind, it only has 49 keys instead of the standard 88.

I used to practice on this little keyboard when I was growing up. If my parents left town we'd stay at Grandma's, and so I couldn't get access to my piano. The casiotone was the only way I could practice. But of course it had all these cool little buttons and knobs and sound effects and I'm easily distracted. So practicing didn't go so well. But I did learn what all the buttons did.

All except a small handful, that is.

Allow me to sidestep for a moment. I took 10 years of piano lessons through the Suzuki method, and eventually earned my Grade 8 diploma from the conservatory of music. I'm no mozart, but I'm pretty darn good I guess.

Well when I left home I couldn't take my piano with me, so for the past 10 years it's sat in my mother's basement waiting for the day when I'm stable enough in a home to relocate it. So a few years ago, while my Grandmother was still living, I asked if I could take the Casiotone. It had by that time taken up residence in her basement where nobody used it. I moved it to the city with me. I purchased a midi cable for it. And I began to dabble in electronic music. I've been doing so for a few years now. In case you didn't notice the link on the right, here's the kind of stuff I mess around with in my spare time. Audible Fragments .

Well last year I wandered into a music store and puttered around on some synthesizers. The technology has come a long way since they made this casiotone. And so I decided last June that as soon as I was done paying off my debt I'd start saving money for a new synthesizer. Something that would be good enough to replace a real piano, and that would double as an excellent device for messing around with electronic music as well. I've decided on the Roland RD300GX digital stage piano. My debt payments are going along nicely, and I've even put away some money for the Roland too. I should have it by June, or maybe even sooner if my income tax return is nice to me. But I'm stuck with the trusty old casiotone in the meantime.

So coming back to the point, I decided to see if I could find a manual online for it. Just for kicks. Sure enough I did find the manual. So I took a browse through the PDF file, and there it was! The description for that goofy "465 sound tone bank" button that I'd never figured out the use for.

It's a polyphony toggle! You pick a sound, hit the button, pick a different sound, and voila! 2-sound polyphony! After 15+ years of messing around with this thing, I've only just now discovered one of the coolest features it has!