Digital Masks and Vanity

I find it very interesting how people are always amazed when a girl posts a profile picture on facebook where she's totally overexposed. You've probably seen the ones I mean. Close-up of the face and shoulders, no shirt, head tilted to one side, a little bit of lipstick, and glowing white skin.

Sure it makes these girls look hotter than usual. It's because the color levels are so off that all the detail is gone, and all that's left is shiny-white skin.

This is the reason women in magazines look so good. It's the reason models and actresses look better on the screen than in real life. And it's the same reason nobody wants to see pornography in high definition. If you photoshop, airbrush, or expose out all those lines and bumps and crevices just about anybody can look amazingly hot. And with a bit of clever cropping, you can remove all those body parts you don't want anybody else to see.

But the truth is, as humans we're basicall all pretty ugly on the surface. The real beauty lies underneath. So what I don't get is why these people that do this to their photos see the need to misrepresent themselves?

I suppose it's because, male and female alike, we all secrectly want to look like supermodels. But few of us actually do.

Count Zero Interrupt

From my daily horoscope:

Love: You need to change everything. Start at zero. The problem can be solved, try it.

I'm a little confused by this. Aren't I already at zero?

Restless

Do you ever get that feeling where you're just sick and tired and bored of everything? And the only solution you can think of is to pack up everything you own in boxes, pick a destination, and move?

Some days, like today, I think maybe it's time to do that.

And other days I think I'm just being silly and should go get an ice cream.

Am I Making Excuses?

Maybe. Probably. But if that's the case, it's because I feel like you've backed me into a corner and I need an out.

I live my life my own way, on my own terms, and on my own time. I strive to live up to my own personal standards and values. I make my own decisions, and I have to take responsibility for those and live with the consequences.

I see it as one of my greatest strengths. But maybe it's a fatal character flaw. Only time will tell, and I will be the judge. If there's a change to be made, I'll be the one to make the decision. To make a change, I have to want a change first. And right now I don't.

All that I ask is that those around me understand and accept that. It's too bad my friends haven't figured that out yet. I'm getting tired of their questions, their guilt-trips, and their criticisms.

Time to take a deep breathe, press the "reset" button, and try it all again tomorrow.

Clearly I'm Missing Something

I went to a friend's bachelor party this weekend. We went for dinner, then hit up a cabaret lounge show, followed by a strip joint. And I came to a conclusion.

I don't get it. What's the attraction to strip clubs for guys? I mean, besides the obvious. Yes, there are naked women in peeler bars. But is that it? Is that the only thing these places have going for them?

There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead in such a place. But in the past 2 years I've found myself in a strip joint roughly once every 6 months for various special occasions. So I feel comfortable in saying that I really don't enjoy them.

Of course, when I tell other guys this their instant reaction is always "What the heck is wrong with you?" or, "what, are you gay?"

No, I'm not gay. But I find stripper clubs incredibly boring and uninteresting. Let me list a few reasons why:

1.) The "dancers" aren't especially attractive by my standards. Fake t*ts don't do anything for me. Show me a pair of natural ones and maybe you'll have my attention.

2.) The girls aren't dancing. They're walking in circles on a stage. Sometimes they twirl a little. The better ones will do tricks on poles, which admittedly is sometimes interesting. And there's usually some half-hearted air-humping and ass-flexing. But it's not dancing, and on the whole I don't find it very interesting to watch.

3.) The girls look vacant and emotionally dead, like they'd all rather be somewhere else. Attractive girls have a sparkle in their eye that I've found is missing from every stripper I've ever seen dance. It's like they're trying so damn hard to look sexy that they've actually forgotten what sexy really is. Given that their business is entertainment, their obvious lack of enthusiasm doesn't do much to engage their audience.

4.) The blatant sexualization of these women actually makes it less sexy. The fact that you can count on finding girls in skimpy clothing or nothing at all takes all the mystery and mystique out of the women. There's nothing left to the imagination, but the imagination is probably one of the most powerful tools a woman has in her arsenal of tease and seduction. But the dancers in strip clubs are just giving it away.

Yup. I'm not impressed by stippers. However, the cabaret show we went to was amazing and extrememly sexy, while maintaining a high degree of class and taste. The cabaret girls definitely know where it's at. If anybody is in Vancouver and is looking for something different to do, I highly recommend checking out the show at Maxine's Hideaway.

All of this just reinforces what I already knew about myself: that I'm definitely not your average guy. I'm not a guy's guy. And if cat-calling from pervert row at a set of silicon double-Ds is what makes me a guy's guy? Well, that's just not the kind of guy I want to be. I like to think I have more intelligence and substance than that.

So the next time somebody asks me why I don't like strippers, I think I'll have a response: "Because I'm smarter than you."

A Physics Lesson

1.) Law of Conservation of Mass:

The total mass in a closed system must remain constant. Mass may never be created or destroyed, but can change forms or be rearranged in space.

2.) Law of Skytrain Rush Hour Physics:

The total mass in a closed system does not remain constant, and may be both created or destroyed. Rush hour mass is unstable and constantly changes form. The ability of mass to displace or rearrange during rush hour is inversly proportional to the amount of mass in the system. The ratio of system mass added to mass subtracted is approximately 5:1.

This is Democracy?

I have a message for all the campaign representatives out there who so desperately want my vote. If you want my attention and wish to earn my support in future elections, you'd be well advised not to call my house every freakin' day!.

Today is the BC provincial voting date. I got home from work at 7:30 pm. There were two messages - TWO! - on my answering machine from people representing the office of my local NDP representative. They've been calling non-stop all week. But twice today? That's ridiculous.

I hadn't been home for more than 5 minutes when my front door buzzer rang. I answered. Guess who? IT WAS THE NDP! AT MY DOOR! THEY WANTED ME TO COME AND VOTE!

I informed them that I was aware it's election day and that, thank you, they've already left two messages on my answering machine today and I get the message. To which the woman on the other end of the intercom replied "Well we want to get the message out and make sure you go vote for Harry Bloy. Otherwise he might lose!"

Really? Really?? If I don't vote for the guy you want me to vote for, he might lose? Wow. That had never occurred to me before. Oh wait, yes it did. Because THAT'S HOW VOTING WORKS! It's an election. Somebody might lose. We call it "democracy".

I was happy to clarify that I was aware of the issue and that thanks to their aggressiveness I had no intention to vote for Mr. Bloy because I do not support him, and that yes, "he might lose".

Next election I think I'm going to seriously consider voting for the Marijuana party. Their platform is practically nonexistent and they'd surely send the province into financial ruin. But at least their members probably understand the basic principles behind the democratic process. Because democracy, being only slightly better than a popularity contest in practice, is simple enough to be understood by a 6 year old. We cast our votes and somebody comes out a winner. The rest of those candidates?

Well, the rest of the candidates might lose.