Clearly I'm Missing Something

I went to a friend's bachelor party this weekend. We went for dinner, then hit up a cabaret lounge show, followed by a strip joint. And I came to a conclusion.

I don't get it. What's the attraction to strip clubs for guys? I mean, besides the obvious. Yes, there are naked women in peeler bars. But is that it? Is that the only thing these places have going for them?

There was a time when I wouldn't be caught dead in such a place. But in the past 2 years I've found myself in a strip joint roughly once every 6 months for various special occasions. So I feel comfortable in saying that I really don't enjoy them.

Of course, when I tell other guys this their instant reaction is always "What the heck is wrong with you?" or, "what, are you gay?"

No, I'm not gay. But I find stripper clubs incredibly boring and uninteresting. Let me list a few reasons why:

1.) The "dancers" aren't especially attractive by my standards. Fake t*ts don't do anything for me. Show me a pair of natural ones and maybe you'll have my attention.

2.) The girls aren't dancing. They're walking in circles on a stage. Sometimes they twirl a little. The better ones will do tricks on poles, which admittedly is sometimes interesting. And there's usually some half-hearted air-humping and ass-flexing. But it's not dancing, and on the whole I don't find it very interesting to watch.

3.) The girls look vacant and emotionally dead, like they'd all rather be somewhere else. Attractive girls have a sparkle in their eye that I've found is missing from every stripper I've ever seen dance. It's like they're trying so damn hard to look sexy that they've actually forgotten what sexy really is. Given that their business is entertainment, their obvious lack of enthusiasm doesn't do much to engage their audience.

4.) The blatant sexualization of these women actually makes it less sexy. The fact that you can count on finding girls in skimpy clothing or nothing at all takes all the mystery and mystique out of the women. There's nothing left to the imagination, but the imagination is probably one of the most powerful tools a woman has in her arsenal of tease and seduction. But the dancers in strip clubs are just giving it away.

Yup. I'm not impressed by stippers. However, the cabaret show we went to was amazing and extrememly sexy, while maintaining a high degree of class and taste. The cabaret girls definitely know where it's at. If anybody is in Vancouver and is looking for something different to do, I highly recommend checking out the show at Maxine's Hideaway.

All of this just reinforces what I already knew about myself: that I'm definitely not your average guy. I'm not a guy's guy. And if cat-calling from pervert row at a set of silicon double-Ds is what makes me a guy's guy? Well, that's just not the kind of guy I want to be. I like to think I have more intelligence and substance than that.

So the next time somebody asks me why I don't like strippers, I think I'll have a response: "Because I'm smarter than you."