If I Told You I'd Have to Kill You

I was conversing with one Mr. Alex Dodd today via the InterMcNetxxorz. We were discussing my new job position. Sort of. We couldn't really discuss much because, well, I'm not allowed.

There's a thing in the game industry called an NDA that prevents us from talking about the games we work on. For those that don't know, NDA stands for Non-Disclosure Agreement. When friends hear about this they all laugh and comment that they think all the secrecy is really funny. But the NDA exists for a few very good reasons.

The idea behind it is that we work in a very competitive entertainment industry. The powers that be don't want information leaked to their competition about what they're doing, so they require that everybody at the company keep their lips sealed. Because if the competition hears what you're doing, they're bound to try and outdo your company. That's how we make money.

I believe that, secondary to this, the NDA exists for reasons relating to corporate image. Information leaks have the potential to lead to bad press, and bad press is bad for company image.

You see, gamers are a very fickle crowd. One rumour or bad review spread around the internet too early in development of a game can spell doom for a project. Especially when working in QA (which is what I do), if word about possible technical issues got out into the public space, sales would certainly be affected. Nobody wants to buy a product that might be flawed. Sure that problem you read about is probably fixed long before the game hits the shelf, but the possibility alone could be enough to hurts sales.

And unfortunately in games you don't start making game with money you already have. Most companies are paid retroactively by a game publisher after they have recieved bits and pieces of the final product. By the end of a project, if we've done our jobs right, we've been paid for the project in full and it gets published. Any sales profits are usually used to recoup costs incurred during the development cycle. And of course the publisher takes their (larger) percentage. So any hit in sales is bad business for a game developer since your ROI is typically very low. If the game does poorly, the publisher won't front any money for another game, and suddenly you're out of business.

And so we have NDAs. It's just easier and safer not to tell anybody anything at all about what's going on behind studio doors.

But the general gaming community (and especially the hard-core elite) seem to hold a love-hate relationship with game developers. As long as the game is of high quality, they're happy. But if the developer makes a tiny single mistake and the gamers hear about it, molehills become mountains and the community comes marching with torches and pitchforks in hand. And just as they're about to burn the keep to ground, the peddler across the street yells "Wait! Look what I'm selling! Mine does what theirs does, but better, and without the problems you've heard about".

Let's face it: no game is ever perfect. Every single piece of software you ever buy in your lifetime will be full of troublesome technical issues. The question is simply whether or not you actually notice them enough that they change your perspective of the product, and subsequently about the company as a whole.

My job as a Quality Assurance Tester is to ensure that as many technical issues are found and fixed before the game is released to the public. And believe me, if you as a consumer of video games saw some of the things I get to see in the studios, you might never buy another video game again from those companies.

(And in some cases you might be better off not too, but that's a whole different ball of wax which is based on some biased personal opinion.)

So it's really better that I abide by the terms of my NDA. I don't keep secrets about my job for the sake of secrets, or to drive you crazy. Ultimately we as developers are keeping secrets for your benefit as a gamer.

(Well okay, that and if anybody found out I talked I'd probably lose my job.)

Scenes from the Hilltop

I spent this past weekend with 13 friends in a cabin at Hemlock Ski Resort. It was nice to get out of the city for a bit and relax.



Of course I use the term "cabin" loosely. It was really more of a rustic wilderness condo. The three-storey unit had a full kitchen with dishwasher, a television and dvd player, 2 bathrooms, laundry facilities, a pool table, a dart board, 2 fireplaces, and enough rooms and beds for all of us to sleep in.

We played games, drank, played more games, drank some more, and did our best to take advantage of the ski hill. Here are a few hilights:


Kyle brought along his Nintendo Wii and Scott provided an Xbox 360, which he "rented" from Futureshop. Both systems saw a lot of use. If you thought we'd go for an entire weekend without video games, you were sorely mistaken.


And even being miles away from home couldn't stop us from playing World of Warcraft, thanks to the trading card version of the game.

6 of us managed to venture outdoors to hit the hill, despite the miserable rainy weather.

This is one of the first things we saw as we were waiting for a few people to get their rental equipment. The guy in the middle is dangling from the chairlift, hanging on for dear life. In under a minute the scene was surrounded by lift attendants and first aid crew, who were powerless to do anything but stand below and watch. The guy had to kick his snowboard off with his free foot, and then drop about 30 feet to the ground. He was also precariously close to a ravine. Thankfully everything turned out fine.



We had no such issues. On his first run Scott ran down a skier with his snowboard after narrowly avoiding a group of small children taking lessons, but his board control improved significantly after that.


This sign greeted us at the top of the red chair. Does anybody wanna go down on the hookers? No? Oh come on guys, I really wanna ride the hookers. Aw, you're no fun.

We managed a few hours of skiing before retiring to the pub to hide from the rain. We had though about going back out, but the rain only got worse, and the cold chill had set in. Alcohol seemed the better option, so we gave up and went back to the cabin.

The rest of the evening basically involved board games, video games, a delicious dinner, and then copious amounts of alcohol. And even more games. And when K-Tizzle passed out over the back of the couch, still wearing her ski goggles and helmet, we knew that it had been a successful trip.

Things That Go with "Bake"

A strange but pointless thought for the day. It came to me while eating some poutine in the food court.

[Blank] 'n Bake: A List of Definitions

1.) Shake 'n Bake:
A popular meal fixing, shake 'n bake is a method of cooking in which raw meat or vegetables are placed in a plastic bag full of bread crumbs or other appropriate breading. The bag is shaken vigorously so the food becomes coated in the breading, after which it is baked in the oven. shake 'n bake chicken is probably the most popular form.

2.) Fake 'n Bake:
A method of personal tanning, without the actual tanning part. A person applies a special tanning lotion to their body, and within minutes they develop an artificial tan. The skin takes on a darker tone, but no pesky tanning beds or sunlight are required.

3.) Take 'n Bake:
Unlike delivery pizza, take 'n bake pizza is prepared and purchased at a pizzeria, deli or grocery store, but must be baked at home in a conventional oven.

4.) Wake 'n Bake:
The act of waking in the morning and "smoking a joint" before, or in place of, breakfast.


Can you think of others? Comment them below.

High as a Freakin' Tree

You probably can't make this image out very well, as it was taken using digital zoom on a cell phone camera at night. So I'll just tell you what it is.

It's a syringe embedded in the trunk of a tree. It was near the corner of Hastings and Carral, just outside the Blarney Stone Pub. Nobody planted it there for the sake of this photo. It was there before we arrived. We just happened to notice it while standing in line for the 1.5 hours it took us to get inside.

This is a true piece of downtown Vancouver culture right here, captured for posterity.

For the record, the Blarney Stone is a rather reputable pub and the syringe should be not be used as an accurate indicator of the type of establishment being run there. Despite the somewhat sketchy locale, the Blarney Stone is actually a pretty nice place. At least as far as faux-iris pubs go, anyway.