Every once in a while I pick up one of the local daily papers and read the dating columns. If you've ever read one of these in the Vancouver area then you know that one of the number one criticisms of Vancouver singles is that it's incredibly hard to meet people here. In my experience, it's been equally hard to build on any sort of relationship, even if only a friendship . Relationships in Vancouver, for some reason, are often very impersonal.
A friend and I were discussing that this evening. Nobody seems to be able to explain it, but most people seem to agree that when it comes to the people, Vancouver is a very cold city. That's certainly been my impression, and it's one of the primary factors that will ultimately keep me from ever settling down here for good. Eventually, when the time is right, I know I'll move to a new city. Because ultimately I just don't like Vancouver, no matter how much I want to. It's the people that make a city, and my experience has been lacking in that respect. I've met some great people and made some great friends, but there always seems to be a closeness lacking here that I've had with past relationships in other cities.
An aside to illustrate my point: I went to a house party last night. There was an interesting guy there from Sweden who had only met the party host perhaps days, or maybe even hours, before. Through a brief case of mistaken identity, he had met some people I know. But instead of letting the encounter pass, he had pursued them, told them they seemed friendly, and suggested that they hang some time. And so here he was at the house party. This kind of thing does not, in my experience, ever happen in Vancouver. People generally aren't this forward and friendly. But I guess when you've moved to a new country where you don't know anybody you have to make friends somehow. I think a lot of us could learn something from this guy.
I'm sure there are lots of people who would disagree with what I'm saying here. And in my case I'm sure that some of this perceived coldness probably falls upon me and how I deal with people in my life. Maybe the city isn't all that impersonal at all. Maybe I've just removed myself a step or two from the rest of society. Maybe I'm the one that's being impersonal. But I know that it wasn't always the case, and I wonder what's different. What changed?
The friend I was talking with got me thinking about it. How and why have I changed the way I respond to the people I meet since I moved here? What keeps me treading that fine line been friend and acquaintance? And how come chance meetings with strangers always seem to stop there?
I think part of it is technology. Communications technology especially has become more and more advanced and become more ingrained in day-to-day life over the last 10 years. We have cellphones, internet chat, VOIP telephones, video messages, e-mail, text messages, MSN, Facebook, Blackberry messenger...
And the more ways I'm given to communicate, the more I find I'm doing less of it, or doing more of it with a significant decrease in the quality of communications.
I would estimate that 75% of my regular communications with friends these days is done via MSN, text, or e-mail. When you're limited to text-based commication mediums, you tend to pare information down to only the basic essentials of a message. All the flavor and fluff tends to get left behind in favor of speed and efficiency. Nobody wants to write a book about their life into a chat box 150 characters at a time. A conversation about your feelings just isn't any easy thing to carry out over instant messages or cell texts.
There was a time when I spent a lot of time on the telephone talking with friends. I made a point of calling them and chatting for as little as 5 minutes and as long as a few hours. I hardly do that anymore, and I miss it. I'm not sure why I stopped, but I definitely think that my relationships with my friends were much better when I did. These days I get daily updates via MSN status, facebook updates, and twitter about what my friends are up to. And I like to think that this is keeping me up to date on what's going on in their lives. But that personal element is still missing.
This is probably also a major contributing factor to my perpetual singledom.
(I'm sure there are plenty of other factors, but let's not dwell on that.)
It turns out that building and maintaining relationships takes work and a bit of effort. And it seems like all the technology in my life provides an illusion of ease and convenience, while actually making the situation worse.
The aforementioned friend and I have been talking a lot lately. We can talk to each other for hours, and often do almost nothing else. In fact, just this evening we stood in a parking lot for almost 2 hours chatting under the street lights, well after the movie we saw had let out. And it's been very refreshing. Of all the relationships I have with people, these are the kind I value most.
Another sidenote: We had just seen "The Social Network". Conversation was not about the movie, but there's an interesting juxtaposition in that.
So I'm trying to be more conscious of how I respond to people. I'm trying to make more of an effort to show an interest in the people around me and their lives. It's fairly apparent to me that I've become rather insular since I've come to Vancouver, and I think it's time that I change that. Though it will take some considerable effort on my part to change my habits, it's time to open myself to those around me. And maybe if I do I'll learn to like the city a little more.
Of course, it's not just me. I've had similar conversations with quite a few people about this, and there's certainly a consensus on the issue. It seems like the whole of Vancouver could benefit from a change in habit.
So maybe all we need to do is get off the internet, switch off our cellphones, and talk to each other. With our voices, and with our hearts.
10.04.2010
5.31.2010
Six Degrees of Wikipedia
I find it fascinating how bands are influenced by each other, and how a pseudo-history of a band's musical influences can be traced. Here's an example:
You may or may not know that a while back Trent Reznor announced that he would no longer tour with Nine Inch Nails. Recently he announced a new project, How to Destroy Angels, a new mostly electronic project with his wife.
I read a blurb somewhere about how the band name was inspired by a Coil song by the same name. I'd heard of Coil, and recognized that they were a pioneer in the industrial music scene. But I wasn't failiar with them, so I looked them up on Wikipedia while listening to some of their albums on grooveshark. This turned into a short little link-hopping jaunt which lead me full circle. Here's how it went.
1.) Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails formed a new band, How to Destroy Angels
2.) "How to Destroy Angels" was the name of the first released single by industrial band Coil in the early 80s
3.) In 1985 Coil recorded a cover version of the song "Tainted Love"
4.) The best known (but not original) version of "Tainted Love" was recorded by Soft Cell in 1981.
5.)Soft Cell released "Tainted Love" as their second single, after "Memorabilia", their first single.
6.) "Memorabilia" was later covered by Nine Inch Nails.
Neat, huh?
You may or may not know that a while back Trent Reznor announced that he would no longer tour with Nine Inch Nails. Recently he announced a new project, How to Destroy Angels, a new mostly electronic project with his wife.
I read a blurb somewhere about how the band name was inspired by a Coil song by the same name. I'd heard of Coil, and recognized that they were a pioneer in the industrial music scene. But I wasn't failiar with them, so I looked them up on Wikipedia while listening to some of their albums on grooveshark. This turned into a short little link-hopping jaunt which lead me full circle. Here's how it went.
1.) Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails formed a new band, How to Destroy Angels
2.) "How to Destroy Angels" was the name of the first released single by industrial band Coil in the early 80s
3.) In 1985 Coil recorded a cover version of the song "Tainted Love"
4.) The best known (but not original) version of "Tainted Love" was recorded by Soft Cell in 1981.
5.)Soft Cell released "Tainted Love" as their second single, after "Memorabilia", their first single.
6.) "Memorabilia" was later covered by Nine Inch Nails.
Neat, huh?
4.16.2010
You Know You Have Issues When...
So I came home with the intentions of relaxing in front of the couch and watching a movie. I warmed myself up to it by watching some TV. But then, after 1.5 hours of TV I couldn't decide what movie to watch. And by that time I wasn't sure I wanted to sit through a movie for 2 or 3 hours. So I sat and debated with myself, and tried to decide what to watch. And in the end I watched another 1.5 hours of television while deliberating with myself.
4.08.2010
Astrology Sucks!
The following was my horoscope on the telus homepage today. No word of a lie.
Health : You should get a membership at a gym. It is for your health. Your sedentary lifestyle offers no benefits. You need to be more active.
Hey horoscope: you suck. Stop being right.
And for the record, I am not getting a gym membership. There are other ways to get active and healthy without spending money on a gym.
Health : You should get a membership at a gym. It is for your health. Your sedentary lifestyle offers no benefits. You need to be more active.
Hey horoscope: you suck. Stop being right.
And for the record, I am not getting a gym membership. There are other ways to get active and healthy without spending money on a gym.
4.03.2010
I've Been Cleansed. (I Think)
My video games cleanse has come to an end. It's time to write about it a little bit and reflect on how I did.
I managed to say away from games at home for the most part. There was one night right at the end there when some friends came over and we played a few for entertainment. But with 3 people I figured it was social, and it was also the 30th, so I figured that close to the end of the month it was okay.
I didn't manage to kick the habit completely, and I don't think I ever could. I've been playing games so long that they're basically part of my being. I don't think I could ever give them up entirely. But I've proved to myself that I can take a break, and that I'm not tied down by them. Like anything else, it's mind over matter. I can play them, or I can not. The choice is always up to me.
I went out a bit more and spent more time with some friends. And I made a few more long distance phone calls than I normally would. It was nice being able to get in touch with a few friends. I think I'll do it more often.
I didn't get anything productive done though. In the entire month I think I spent a whopping 4 hours working on portfolio stuff. Even without games, most days I still wasn't in the mood to do anything that would require thinking. At the end of the day I ultimately just want to turn my brain off and recharge.
And while I was able to avoid games at home, I found that I usually just filled that same time watching television, which is far less interesting than a game. I could have avoided that too, except that a friend lent me the final season of Battlestar Galactica on DVD. 2 episodes a night for 2 weeks really ate through my month.
So what have I learned? Well, not much really. I guess on some levels I feel better about myself. But in terms of being productive there's still work to be done. Maybe that will by my next goal.
I managed to say away from games at home for the most part. There was one night right at the end there when some friends came over and we played a few for entertainment. But with 3 people I figured it was social, and it was also the 30th, so I figured that close to the end of the month it was okay.
I didn't manage to kick the habit completely, and I don't think I ever could. I've been playing games so long that they're basically part of my being. I don't think I could ever give them up entirely. But I've proved to myself that I can take a break, and that I'm not tied down by them. Like anything else, it's mind over matter. I can play them, or I can not. The choice is always up to me.
I went out a bit more and spent more time with some friends. And I made a few more long distance phone calls than I normally would. It was nice being able to get in touch with a few friends. I think I'll do it more often.
I didn't get anything productive done though. In the entire month I think I spent a whopping 4 hours working on portfolio stuff. Even without games, most days I still wasn't in the mood to do anything that would require thinking. At the end of the day I ultimately just want to turn my brain off and recharge.
And while I was able to avoid games at home, I found that I usually just filled that same time watching television, which is far less interesting than a game. I could have avoided that too, except that a friend lent me the final season of Battlestar Galactica on DVD. 2 episodes a night for 2 weeks really ate through my month.
So what have I learned? Well, not much really. I guess on some levels I feel better about myself. But in terms of being productive there's still work to be done. Maybe that will by my next goal.
3.28.2010
A Conversation Snippet
M: "You're awfully cute. I'm surprised you haven't been cougar-mauled yet."
A: "Well thank you. I'm flattered that you think I should be mauled by cougars."
A: "Well thank you. I'm flattered that you think I should be mauled by cougars."
3.21.2010
VG Cleanse - I cheated a little bit
So I guess I've cheated a little. It all started at work on friday. I had a task that involved a few scattered minutes of uptime between longer periods of downtime. To make the task more bearable, I started playing a game on facebook that's nothing more than a simple time-waster. Which wasn't a problem, since I stated in my own rules that games at work are allowed.
But then I found myself playing that same facebook game yesterday for two sittings of 30 minutes each. And again today for another 30 minutes. And while it may not be a PC game or a console game, it's still basically gaming. The point at which I decided I'm "wasting time" was the point at which I decided I had to stop.
Even still, I've made it three weeks without much extra-curicular gaming. And I intend to finish out the month as planned. I'll just have to keep off the silly facebook game while I'm at home.
Only one more week to go!
But then I found myself playing that same facebook game yesterday for two sittings of 30 minutes each. And again today for another 30 minutes. And while it may not be a PC game or a console game, it's still basically gaming. The point at which I decided I'm "wasting time" was the point at which I decided I had to stop.
Even still, I've made it three weeks without much extra-curicular gaming. And I intend to finish out the month as planned. I'll just have to keep off the silly facebook game while I'm at home.
Only one more week to go!
3.15.2010
VG Cleanse - Week Three
I'm past the two week hump. In the past two weeks I've only played video games three times: Rock Band twice at a friend's house, and a single round of Dawn of War 2 at lunch today.
It's day 15, and I'm starting to get twitchy. I'm proud of myself for going this long without games, but I have an itch that I really want to scratch. I wonder if this is what it's like for people to quit smoking?
I'm also not getting nearly as much done in my newfound free time as I thought I would. So for the next two weeks I'm going to try and make a more concentrated effort. At the very least, I'm going to start phoning people and sending e-mails. I said I'd try and keep in better touch with people, but so far I'm still falling short in that department.
It's day 15, and I'm starting to get twitchy. I'm proud of myself for going this long without games, but I have an itch that I really want to scratch. I wonder if this is what it's like for people to quit smoking?
I'm also not getting nearly as much done in my newfound free time as I thought I would. So for the next two weeks I'm going to try and make a more concentrated effort. At the very least, I'm going to start phoning people and sending e-mails. I said I'd try and keep in better touch with people, but so far I'm still falling short in that department.
3.08.2010
VG Cleanse - Week 2
Well, I'm on to week 2. I've done really well so far. Even Sunday wasn't so bad. Granted, I was dead tired Sunday and so I mostly just fell asleep on the couch.
Rule 3 of my "cleanse" came into effect this evening. I went to a friend's place and we played some Rock Band for an hour or so. We do this on Mondays. We play Rock Band, they feed me, and we watch House. Man, am I rusty. I could barely stumble my way through the chords on March of the Pigs. Yikes. Haven't played it in ages; I'll have to practice up.
So this experiment is going well. It's funny though, how I haven't actually discovered much more "quality time" in my schedule. I guess I've gone out a bit more in the evenings on weekdays to visit with people. But the nights I've been home have mainly been spent working on a portfolio piece. It's not games, so I guess it's more productive. But ultimately, it's still 3 hours staring at a screen and ignoring the world around me. So while I feel like I'm getting some work done, I still feel pretty disconnected from society. But the weekends seem to be making up for that.
Went to an awesome housewarming party at some friends' place Saturday night. They turned it into a mini-rave in their kitchen - complete with 4 or 5 alternating DJs and a laser-light show. I guess that's what happens when all the people you know (which is to say, all the people that they know) DJ or hang out at the same bar on the same night of every week.
I can definitely feel the pull of games lately though, too. Even though I'm not playing them in my spare time, I'm still surrounded by them every day. On Transit, in the media, on the internet, at lunch-hour... the industry doesn't rest, even if I am. Like anything, there's always temptation. But I guess it's all mind over matter.
Rock Band Network went online last week. There are songs on there by KMFDM. KM-[F]reakin'-DM!! I'm sticking to the plan. I'm not going to download them yet. But I've made a note to myself to do so as soon as April rolls around. I've also passed up a few good sale-deals on games that I would have otherwise jumped on as impulse buys. Hooray for saving money.
In the meantime, I need to think up some entertainment for my friends and I for next Monday. The rules are clear: no gaming at home. They'll probably come over for dinner and House - it's my turn - but outside of that we'll have to play cards or a board game or watch a movie or something.
I also need to think up something simple to cook that will feed three. I've got my usual go-to recipe: stir-fry. But one friend is allergic to many of the vegetables that would be staples in said stir-fry, so that limits me.
Rule 3 of my "cleanse" came into effect this evening. I went to a friend's place and we played some Rock Band for an hour or so. We do this on Mondays. We play Rock Band, they feed me, and we watch House. Man, am I rusty. I could barely stumble my way through the chords on March of the Pigs. Yikes. Haven't played it in ages; I'll have to practice up.
So this experiment is going well. It's funny though, how I haven't actually discovered much more "quality time" in my schedule. I guess I've gone out a bit more in the evenings on weekdays to visit with people. But the nights I've been home have mainly been spent working on a portfolio piece. It's not games, so I guess it's more productive. But ultimately, it's still 3 hours staring at a screen and ignoring the world around me. So while I feel like I'm getting some work done, I still feel pretty disconnected from society. But the weekends seem to be making up for that.
Went to an awesome housewarming party at some friends' place Saturday night. They turned it into a mini-rave in their kitchen - complete with 4 or 5 alternating DJs and a laser-light show. I guess that's what happens when all the people you know (which is to say, all the people that they know) DJ or hang out at the same bar on the same night of every week.
I can definitely feel the pull of games lately though, too. Even though I'm not playing them in my spare time, I'm still surrounded by them every day. On Transit, in the media, on the internet, at lunch-hour... the industry doesn't rest, even if I am. Like anything, there's always temptation. But I guess it's all mind over matter.
Rock Band Network went online last week. There are songs on there by KMFDM. KM-[F]reakin'-DM!! I'm sticking to the plan. I'm not going to download them yet. But I've made a note to myself to do so as soon as April rolls around. I've also passed up a few good sale-deals on games that I would have otherwise jumped on as impulse buys. Hooray for saving money.
In the meantime, I need to think up some entertainment for my friends and I for next Monday. The rules are clear: no gaming at home. They'll probably come over for dinner and House - it's my turn - but outside of that we'll have to play cards or a board game or watch a movie or something.
I also need to think up something simple to cook that will feed three. I've got my usual go-to recipe: stir-fry. But one friend is allergic to many of the vegetables that would be staples in said stir-fry, so that limits me.
3.03.2010
Cleanse - Day Three
Well, it's wednesday night at 10pm. I've now made it three days without playing any games in my spare time.
Monday I went to visit some friends for dinner and light socializing.
Tuesday was a quiet night at home watching TV and an attempt at some portfolio work. I gave that up after 90 minutes of frustration, feeling technically satisfied but suffering from an artistic block.
Tonight I went for beer and wings with a friend that I don't see very often. Then he dropped by and we shared and listened to any interesting bands we'd been listening to lately. Sent an e-mail to another friend I haven't heard from in a while. It's been good.
I've only sort of cheated once today at work during my lunch hour. I spent about 20 minutes playing a game demo I'd downloaded last week. Thankfully, I was unimpressed by the demo and so it was easy to turn it off. It certainly didn't leave me with any desire to play other games either.
Of course, every time the brain turns to boredom that gaming reflex is still there. But I've been able to catch it every time and stop myself.
I think the weekend will be the biggest challenge. I've got plenty to do Saturday to keep me occupied. But Sunday evening is when I usually do the most gaming. There are a lot of free hours to fill, and I hope I can maintain my resolve.
Monday I went to visit some friends for dinner and light socializing.
Tuesday was a quiet night at home watching TV and an attempt at some portfolio work. I gave that up after 90 minutes of frustration, feeling technically satisfied but suffering from an artistic block.
Tonight I went for beer and wings with a friend that I don't see very often. Then he dropped by and we shared and listened to any interesting bands we'd been listening to lately. Sent an e-mail to another friend I haven't heard from in a while. It's been good.
I've only sort of cheated once today at work during my lunch hour. I spent about 20 minutes playing a game demo I'd downloaded last week. Thankfully, I was unimpressed by the demo and so it was easy to turn it off. It certainly didn't leave me with any desire to play other games either.
Of course, every time the brain turns to boredom that gaming reflex is still there. But I've been able to catch it every time and stop myself.
I think the weekend will be the biggest challenge. I've got plenty to do Saturday to keep me occupied. But Sunday evening is when I usually do the most gaming. There are a lot of free hours to fill, and I hope I can maintain my resolve.
2.28.2010
Time for Detox - My Video Game Cleanse
Tomorrow I begin what I am calling a "video game cleanse". The goal: to go for 1 month without video games. For the month of March I will not playing any video games in my leisure time.
Of course, due to my career choice it's impossible for me to avoid video games completely, so there are some basic rules I'll be following.
The Video Game Cleanse Rules
1.) I will not play video games while I am at home. Any time I feel the urge to play games, I will find something else to do. I will call friend, read a book, work out, go for a bike ride, watch a movie, play piano, or work on my portfolio.
2.) As a QA tester, I must play games at work. So games at work are acceptable. Otherwise I'd probably get fired.
3.) If I am socializing with friends at their homes and they are playing video games, this counts as socializing and so video games away from home are also acceptable. However, this situation should be avoided if at all possible.
4.) Board games, card games, and table-top wargames typically involve interactions with real people in a public space. Therefore, other forms of gaming are still perfectly acceptable forms of entertainment during this cleanse period.
So why am I doing this? There are a number of reasons. The short of it is that I've been thinking a lot about my life and where I'm at. There are things about me and my habits that I'd like to change. I feel like a need a personality make-over.
Over the last few years I've started playing more and more games. It's become an easy answer to cure a case of boredom. But the more games I play, the more other parts of my life seem to fall to the wayside. I'm not playing games enough to think I have an addiction to them. It's just that while I'm playing games my brain basically shuts off. The brain is a muscle, and mine is getting lazy and weak.
I used to read. I used to play music. I used to create artwork. I used to do things for myself that I felt fuelled my spirit and made me the person I am. These days I don't feel like myself, and while I don't think games are the primary problem, they are certainly a major contributing factor.
And most importantly, I used to dedicate a lot of time to building and maintaining relationships with friends and family. It should be as simple as making the occasional phone call or going for a cup of coffee. But I haven't been doing that much, because I've usually got my eyes fixed on a screen and a controller in my hand. And so I've lost touch with a lot of the people I care about, and failed to build stronger friendships with people that I'd like to get to know better. I once had a thriving social life, but that's dwindled.
So it's time to fix that. Instead of wasting all that time playing games, I'm going to take all those hours and put them towards doing other things that I feel are more worthwhile. I'm going to spend time doing things that remind me who I am. And maybe I'll get to know myself better. If it goes well, maybe I'll get to know you a little bit better too.
Because the endgame for this cleanse isn't just to go for a month without video games. The endgame is to become a better, well rounded person. For life. After all, life isn't like a video game. There are no extra men, and no respawns. You only get one life. It would be a shame to waste mine.
Of course, due to my career choice it's impossible for me to avoid video games completely, so there are some basic rules I'll be following.
The Video Game Cleanse Rules
1.) I will not play video games while I am at home. Any time I feel the urge to play games, I will find something else to do. I will call friend, read a book, work out, go for a bike ride, watch a movie, play piano, or work on my portfolio.
2.) As a QA tester, I must play games at work. So games at work are acceptable. Otherwise I'd probably get fired.
3.) If I am socializing with friends at their homes and they are playing video games, this counts as socializing and so video games away from home are also acceptable. However, this situation should be avoided if at all possible.
4.) Board games, card games, and table-top wargames typically involve interactions with real people in a public space. Therefore, other forms of gaming are still perfectly acceptable forms of entertainment during this cleanse period.
So why am I doing this? There are a number of reasons. The short of it is that I've been thinking a lot about my life and where I'm at. There are things about me and my habits that I'd like to change. I feel like a need a personality make-over.
Over the last few years I've started playing more and more games. It's become an easy answer to cure a case of boredom. But the more games I play, the more other parts of my life seem to fall to the wayside. I'm not playing games enough to think I have an addiction to them. It's just that while I'm playing games my brain basically shuts off. The brain is a muscle, and mine is getting lazy and weak.
I used to read. I used to play music. I used to create artwork. I used to do things for myself that I felt fuelled my spirit and made me the person I am. These days I don't feel like myself, and while I don't think games are the primary problem, they are certainly a major contributing factor.
And most importantly, I used to dedicate a lot of time to building and maintaining relationships with friends and family. It should be as simple as making the occasional phone call or going for a cup of coffee. But I haven't been doing that much, because I've usually got my eyes fixed on a screen and a controller in my hand. And so I've lost touch with a lot of the people I care about, and failed to build stronger friendships with people that I'd like to get to know better. I once had a thriving social life, but that's dwindled.
So it's time to fix that. Instead of wasting all that time playing games, I'm going to take all those hours and put them towards doing other things that I feel are more worthwhile. I'm going to spend time doing things that remind me who I am. And maybe I'll get to know myself better. If it goes well, maybe I'll get to know you a little bit better too.
Because the endgame for this cleanse isn't just to go for a month without video games. The endgame is to become a better, well rounded person. For life. After all, life isn't like a video game. There are no extra men, and no respawns. You only get one life. It would be a shame to waste mine.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)