I Wish Computers Grew on Trees

So my sketchy power supply finally died, and took my motherboard and hard drive with it for the ride to computer heaven. The whole system is basically toasted.

On the upside, it lived a good life and was well beyond it's time. A complete upgrade was going to be needed rather soon. The downside is that I don't actually have the money for a new computer. I've priced out all the parts I need to build a decent machine, but where I'm going to find $1500 is beyond me.

I've been making a list of clever ways that I can make enough money in a short amount of time. Here's what I've got so far, and I'm open to any suggestions.
(I'll also accept charity and hand-outs).

Clever and (Mostly) Legal (but not necessarily honest) Ways to Make $1500 Very Quickly.

1. Have a kidney removed and sell it on the black market
   
   
2. Hold a draw with a small cash prize. Sell 200 tix@$20 each, award $500 to the winner, and keep the rest of the money. Or, sell $1000 tickets @ $5 each for a 50/50 draw.
   
   
3. Sell all my other posessions and use the earnings to buy a computer. Who needs clothes or furniture anyways?
   
   
4. Rebuild my computer to a mostly-working state from scrap, and then sell it to some poor uninformed sap for far more than it's actual value.
   
   
5. Start an internet business selling people the secrets to making money on the internet. The "secret" will be a short document outlinging how to start a business on the internet selling others the secrets to making money on the internet.
   
   
6. Establish the "Andrew Lockhart Fund for Disadvantaged Gamers" and raise money for the fund, which aims to help provide "disadvantaged gamers" with up-to-date computer hardware. Then collect and fundraise for my charity.
   
   
7. Make (or star in?) a low-budget amateur pornographic film and sell it the internet.
   
   
8. Move out of my apartment and live on the street for 2 months. The saved rent money would fund a new system.
   
   
9. Sell a fake collector's item on e-bay using a fake seller account and pictures of the item stolen from google image search.
   
   
10. Form an oil company, forage all the documents, strike it big, and convince people to invest. Then cash out my stocks before anybody realizes that I'm not really drilling for oil.
    

If you have a brilliant money-making scheme to add to my list, please leave it in the comments.

Here's the Opinion of "Someone" in Particular

I've got your hammer right here.

Having the strength to make an incredibly difficult decision about a potentially life-altering event, without knowing if you're making the right or wrong choice, isn't naive. And it's not the sign of somebody average or mediocre.

Mediocrity is posting condescending comments on somebody else' blog about that sort of difficult decision. And cowardice is not having the courage or decency to at least sign that comment with a name.

How do you tell someone that from the moment of your knowledge of their existence that they have consistantly disappointed you?

You, in all your "wisdom", have shown me the answer to your own question: You do it on the internet.

In time, you will be forgotten.

What's My Superpower?

I just finished watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that I found particulary interesting given the events of my weekend.

Let me explain.

I have two friends who were once best friends and basically inseparable. They had a falling out almost 2 years ago, and hadn't really spoken since. I've remained friends with both of them and it's always been pretty clear to me that while they did have a fight, there wasn't really any animosity between them any longer. It's always struck me as odd that neither one of them has tried to talk to each other or clear the air. It's funny how time can create a sense of emotional distance between people.

Last night the one friend and I had plans to go to a bar for a CD release party. They details of that aren't important. We weren't going with anybody else, so I suggested we call some people and see if anybody else wants to go. I mentioned calling the other friend (since I still talk to both of them). The first friend said "go for it", so I called the second friend and invited her to meet us.

This resulted in a strange series of phone calls and e-mails from the second friend, who seemed very apprehensive about meeting up with the first friend in a social setting. I voiced my understanding and told her I was willing to make up a cover story if she wanted to bail. She said she'd think about going, but wouldn't make promises. Then she asked me what I thought she would do. I told her I understood she was afraid, but that I didn't think she had reason to be.

We (the first friend and I) were pretty sure she (the second friend) wouldn't show up. She has never been much for going out to begin with. To our surprise she did in fact show up. And when the two were placed in front of one another all they could do was smile and hug. A lot. It was beautiful and strange and a little overwhelming in a way.

In the episode of Buffy I was watching (from season 7) Xander is speaking to Dawn about how the rest of the scooby gang will never know how hard it is to be an ordinary person without any superpowers. Dawn replies that maybe Xander's special power is knowing and observing and seeing what nobody else does.

I think as human beings we're all hard-wired to feel like we should be something extraordinary. We need a place to fit in the world. A reason for being. And so maybe we can't fly or shoot fireballs or see through walls. But each of us, in our own way, has something that makes us special.

I used to often wonder what it was that made me special. Where did I fit in my circle of friends? What was it that drew people to me? I didn't think of myself and as anybody special. I didn't have any notable special talents and I certainly didn't have a strong personality that stuck out. I still don't. I've mostly always been the silent pensive type.

A few of my best friends, years ago, described me as "the glue". In our rather large circle of friends (at that time) they noted that I was the only one able to bring everybody together, even at the worst of times and when people weren't getting along. They felt I had the ability to bridge gaps between groups of people.

But it was always just something that happened. Mending and maintaining the relationships of others wasn't something I actively tried to do. It just seemed like a lot of coincidence to me. And so I never really understood what they meant. It didn't seem like I was doing anything special. To me it was just a simple matter of putting different groups of people in the same place at the same time.

And that's exactly what I did last night. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. I just put two people in the same room at the same time, and let them do the rest. The hugged, they laughed, and they talked all night. And today they both thanked me. To quote the first friend, "You did what both of us were too stubborn to do."

I still don't feel like I've done anything special. But maybe my place, - my reason, my hidden talent, my superpower -, is to be some sort of empathic facilitator for others.

Or maybe I just watch too much TV.

Time Out for Fire Safety

I live in a condo complex made up of three towers, each with 18 floors and a few hundred residents. Last night the fire alarm went off at 2:30am. After hitting the snooze button multiple times in a vain sleep-induced attempt to stop the noise, I pulled some pants and socks on, grabbed my wallet, phone, and keys, and rushed downstairs.

I stood outside in front of the building, mentally evaluating my fire-drill performance. Did I move fast enough? Did I remember all the strategies like checking metal doorknobs for heat?

And then I looked up the three towers and felt better about my performance. Many of the other building residents, instead of making any effort to the leave the building, were standing in their living rooms looking out the windows. Others stood on their balconies, making no attempt to flee to safety. Only about 50 people actually made a point of making their way downstairs into the parking lot.

I couldn't believe my eyes, and I find it really hard to think that people could be so foolish and short-sighted. Had it been a real fire, they all could have died there in their suites or on their balconies.

Do they not realize what a fire alarm means? Have these people never had to do a fire drill before? Are they just plain ignorant? Or maybe they're just too lazy to take the stairs and would rather die than tackle that many flights.

After waiting for over 10 minutes for the fire department to show up, J and I decided it was time for a trip across the street to Tim Hortons.

I'm sure we probably committed some crime I'm not aware of like "leaving the scene of a fire". But nobody else seemed very concerned, and the fire crew sure took their sweet time getting to the building. At least I left the building like I've been trained to do. And in the case of a real fire Tim Hortons would be a lot safer than standing in the parking lot.

I Just Have to Ask...

...has anybody else in Canada noticed the HMV billboard ads for the new Bryan Adams album? You know the one, right? The one where he's sporting this wierd sort of lukemia-chic cancer victim hair(less)cut thing? I mean, okay sure, advertising is way too superficial and overdone and too much time and money are spent on image. But I just don't get what kind of image Mr. Adams are his PR people are trying to portray here. He looks like the photo was taken on a really bad day, somewhere between a pack of cigarettes and a drinking binge.

I don't get it.

The Fallacy of War(Machine)

I think I've officially taken the final step that will guarantee I never have sex again.

2 years ago some friends and I spent too much money on paint and supplies and miniature figurines and starting play a game called Warmachine. Except that we didn't really play that much. After 2 years, I think I'd played 6 games in total. I've had my army sitting in a corner of my room in a carry case, just waiting to be used. And I've been thinking that if I don't actually play the game, all that valuable time and money I spent is just going to waste.

So I joined a Warmachine league at a local game store. I play thursday nights after work, and sometimes on weekends. And it's awesome. Sometimes I even win!

But between that, playing games as a job, and playing video games at home in my spare time, I just don't have time for women. Sorry ladies, schedule's all full.